On Losing a Friend

This is a blog that has been wanting to be written for a while now. I'm not sure that it's appropriate as "pastoral blog," as it is about a personal quandry in which I have found myself. Yet, it addresses an issue that I think may be faced by many of those who follow Brigid in the Desert as well as any other Interspiritual, Pagan, Christopagan, or even Progressive Christian individual. It's about the nature of friendship and the struggle when someone we consider a friend judges us and finds us wanting.

As you may have guessed, I think I've lost a friend. This is a person I met in my "mundane" life; that is, outside of the religious path I have been following. There is no "outside" of my spiritual life. My spirituality is all that I am and is reflected in most everthing I do, especially my writing. Those who have been close to me or who have followed along as Brigid in the Desert has been developing know I have struggled a bit with my religious identity. They know that I spent a long time attempting to balance my perception of the expectation of others in regard to religion with the spiritual reality that resonates within me.

Those who have been with me all along know I am a follower of the teachings of Jesus.They know I am also one who honors the Divine Feminine. They know I am a Panentheist, that I believe that God is in everything. They know I am also a Polytheist in that I believe that all concepts of deity are culturally derived and represent God in ways that meet the needs of the people. They know that I am a practitioner of magick, that I believe that prayers and spells are both forms of energy work. They know I am also a bit of a Jungian, finding the various personifications of God to be useful archetypes of the various aspects of the human psyche. I'm not a psychologist by any means, nor am I an academic theologian or a philosopher. I am a believer in a greater force that pulls us towards our better selves. In that, I can be considered a process theologian. I believe that the stories of the gods and goddessess of all peoples tell a piece of the Truth. They reveal the relationship that the people in a given culture has had with God, with one another, and with the others they have encountered throughout history. This includes the stories in the Hebrew Bible. This includes the stories of Jesus in the Gospels. This includes the stories written as letters and included in the Christian New Testament. This also includes the letters, codexes, and scrolls that are not included in the Bible. Yes, it also includes the tales handed down through The Mabinogion of the Welsh people and the stories written down as the Prose Edda by the Christian writer Snorri Sturluson and the Poetic Edda of the Codex Regius, written down by an Icelandic Christian priest. In fact, it includes the many tales of many peoples, from the Sumerian/Mesopotamian Gilgamesh to the Sanskrit Vedas to the Native American tales of Grandmother Spider and Coyote. It includes the tales and teachings of Buddha. I believe that human history is the unfolding revelation of the relationship of humanity to one another and to an ineffable yet somehow relational God.

Those who have been close to me understand that this is my spiritual identity. I am a priest in an interspiritual denomination of Christianity because my spiritual identity fits with the religious identity of this denomination. Since finding the UAIC and being ordained, I have not hidden my spirituality. In fact, I have reached out to others who find themselves no longer fitting into the boxes they have been trying to squeeze into, spiritually speaking. I've written poetry and prose inspired by my spiritual experiences, my walk in the Craft, and my connection to various deities across a mythological spectrum. I have shared some of this work at public readings, where many people have an opportunity to hear what I have to say. Yet, this friend of mine must have misunderstood me. We met for tea and a good chin wag many a time, and we discussed God and Jesus. I knew that my friend believed differently than I, yet I was able to connect with them and felt that they had with me as well. When I published my collection of short stories about individuals healed by Jesus, this friend encouraged me and ordered copies. Perhaps I should have realized that we hadn't understood each other as well as I thought.

A few months ago my friend asked to be added to the Brigid's Arrow newsletter mailing list, so I added them. For those who aren't on the list, I will just say that the newsletter deals with various topics appropriate to the time of year from different cultural and religious perspectives. For example, an issue in the spring may have a story about Easter and the resurrection of Jesus, a story about Eostara, and a story about the traditions of springtime in various cultures. I try to write the articles in a manner that includes those who believe, for instance, in a literal physical resurrection and those who believe that it is a metaphor for spiritual rebirth. A winter issue will deal with both Christmas and Yule, the winter solstice. You get the drift, I'm sure.

One day I received a message from my friend telling me that they no longer read the newsletter and that they were concerned for my soul. I haven't heard anything else from them. I have not responded, either. I don't know exactly what to say. It is my heartfelt belief that the state of my soul is a concern between myself and God. I took the person off the mailing list, of course. I'm not trying to be contrary. I think there could have been conversation around the issues that bothered them. In fact, that is the point of the newsletter, of the meetings, and of the discussion page on Facebook. I am not a teacher, I'm a facilitator. I think we all grow more with exploration and discussion.

Much time has passed since I received that message. The friend is still my "friend" on my personal Facebook. Sometimes, I see their posts and "like" or "love" them, but I never comment. I can't help but wonder if they were ever really a friend. Or, perhaps it is I who have fallen short, for perhaps I was not as honest as I thought. If I had been, they would have know me better.

Have you ever found yourself pondering your friendships? What does it mean, to be a friend?

The World is a Mess

The world is a mess right now. Honestly, we know it’s always a mess, but you know, there are some times that are messier than others. To start off, the planet and life itself is in danger from climate change and pollution. We’ve been warned about this since at least the 1970’s, and while some places have made great strides in lowering various types of pollution, other places have only gotten worse. In the midst of an ongoing pandemic, US troops just pulled out of Afghanistan and the Taliban made short work of taking over. Families of US soldiers killed over the past 20 years of war in Afghanistan are left wondering if they lost their loved ones “for nothing,” and some soldiers wonder about their time and losses in that arena. Afghan citizens who thought they could have their country back are thrust into terror. We are reminded by our president that our purpose over there was never to build a nation, but to protect our own country and our allies from terrorism. We can’t stay there forever. I don’t know all the details, nor do I know what is the right thing to do for our leadership and that of our allies on the world stage. All I know how to do is pray for those who are affected by this in any way, and hope against all hopes we don’t get into something like this again.

During this upheaval, the tiny country of Haiti has been hit by a huge earthquake even as they are still reeling from a series of hurricanes over the past years. They have never truly recovered from a devastating earthquake in 2010, their president was assassinated last month, they face ever growing economic challenges, and there’s a tropical storm called Grace bearing down upon them. Haiti can’t seem to catch a break. Again, there is little I can do to help. I know that the US has many nonprofit assistance organizations that help with disasters such as this. All I know how to do is pray, give whatever I can, and share information about those organizations. You will find links to some good places where you can donate to help Haiti and other locations suffering from disaster, drought, and hunger at the end of this post.

Here in the United States, families are still torn apart over politics and the politicization of public health. If my social media timeline and news preferences are at all correct, this is the same in some other western countries as well. Children are returning to in-person school, pulled left and right by the issue of masking. Parents are arguing for and against, using real and “fake” science to support their stance, while pundits label them as “left” or “right” based on their opinions about wearing masks or taking vaccines.

While I’m not sure that these times are unique, I am sure that with everything happening in the world around us, many are surviving in high anxiety mode. It is not healthy for body, mind, or spirit to live in survival mode on a continuous basis, yet this is where many find themselves even when they have access to all they need to live. This is a result of having access to a 24/7 window to the world.

There are some who choose to detach from the news and even social media. This can be helpful, if one can pull it off. However, many more of us really don’t have that option unless we wish to completely change our way of life. For many, it is easier to attempt to limit exposure to this traumatic window. Livelihoods that require use of social media or keeping a finger on the pulse of current events make it impossible to cut off access completely. For many other folks, social media is a lifeline – a connection to other people that they may not have “in real life.”

Wherever we stand on the various issues and however we are affected by the relentless stream of information, many of us want to make a difference but don’t know what we can do about any of it. Those who have time, energy, and strength to gather together in order to amplify their voices and those of others will do so. Some have the fortitude to voice their beliefs on social media, taking care to choose words wisely and support their opinions with back up. Others voice their opinions with little or no evidence and a plethora of name calling and expletives. These latter are a cause for stress and despair for many, such as myself. So, what can we do? How can we lower our stress levels without leaving the virtual world? Further, how can we help that world and the world outside our doors become better?

The reality is that most of us will not be doing any big and wondrous thing in our lifetimes. We will not end up in the history books for either the good things or the bad things we do. Nevertheless, we do have the ability to make a difference. It is possible to make a difference both for our own peace of mind, and in the chaotic world around us.

I think probably one of the first and simplest things we can do is to choose wisely what issues we take on, and how we do so. This means consciously allowing others to work on what matters most to them, even if we disagree with them. It means keeping ourselves informed on the issues we care about most, and withholding our uneducated opinions on other topics. It means taking a break, turning off the media, and spending time by ourselves or with our families, focusing on something totally unrelated to the issues. I’m not saying this is easy, it’s not. Yet it is crucial for our peace of mind, for our mental and physical health, that we don’t allow ourselves to be constantly overwhelmed with world events. Spending time in contemplation, meditation, exercise, being in nature, reading, or even mindlessly watching a feel-good movie or television show can help us stay centered as we navigate this chaotic world.

There are times when we cannot help but be moved by the plight of others, and we may find ourselves reassessing our priorities when faced with new challenges. This is, I believe, a healthy exercise on a somewhat regular basis. If we become too mired in our own interests for too long, we may miss something important that we can do something about. So, while I am saying we should winnow out the many issues that tear apart our hearts and our minds to find what we can logically and practically focus on, I think we should continue to be aware of whatever else is going on. The trick is to be able to “scroll past” the things that cause us undue stress when we know this is the case, to “stop by” to educate ourselves about new issues, and “move on” to what we ourselves can do something about, even if we can only do a little bit.

The reality is that most of us can “only do a little bit.” Following is a list of ways we can do our little bit to address some of the issues we are hearing about today.

Cleaning Up the Earth

The EPA has some ideas on how individuals and groups can work toward a cleaner environment, as does NOAA.

Helping Refugees

NPR published an article today with some excellent suggestions for helping refugees from war-torn Afghanistan.

The International Rescue Committee helps individuals and families who are taking refuge in the US from all over the world. You can donate at their site, find out how to volunteer, as well as learn how else you might be of help.

UMCOR

United Methodist Committee on Relief is administered through allocations from all United Methodist Churches based on membership, which allows for all donated funds to be distributed 100% to those for whom the donation is earmarked. These are two major projects. Explore the website to find other ways you can help financially around the world.

Haiti Earthquake Relief and relief for other world disasters: UMCOR International Relief

U.S. Disaster Relief: UMCOR US Relief

You Give Goods

This website allows you to donate to various causes, or even to set up your own event to collect food or other items for those in need.

GoFundMe Charity

There used to be a great fundraising site called Crowdrise, where one could raise money for charity. This site was bought out by GoFundMe in 2017 and has recently reopened.

GoFundMe

You can peruse the regular GoFundMe site to find individuals and families in need. Many of these people are facing unexpected financial challenges, and can use a little bit of help from a lot of people. This is a great way to do a little bit that can be a big help.

Helping Veterans

Military.com has a good list of sites you can check out if you’d like to help and support US Veterans. 

You can also reach out to your local VFW, American Legion, DAV, or other veteran’s organization to see what their specific needs may be.

Helping Educators

Donors Choose is a great site to help teachers in your area or around the US get the funding they need for projects they have identified as important.

UNICEF works toward improving education for children around the world. You can read about how they help, and become a donor if you wish.

ChildFund is a nonprofit that helps children in poverty-stricken countries. You can donate, volunteer, purchase goods to help various localities, or sponsor a child.

Become a Mentor, Peer Support, or other Helper

You can earn a living or volunteer through organizations to provide one on one assistance to individuals in need. Check out a few of these options, and further search for ways you can connect with mentees or jobs in your area.

SAMHSA Peer Support

Mentoring Women

Mentoring Men

Mentoring Youth

How to Find a Mentor

Fresh Start Women (Arizona)

Whatever you do, whether it be simply stepping away from the window for awhile or choosing an issue or two to take on, do it sincerely. Surely, even these will help us to have new eyes to see the events of the world the next time we look out the window.

Reflection on Blodeuwedd

Blodeuwedd - mixed media painting. Oil pastels,
acrylic, watercolor pencil on canvas board
by Suzy, 2019

     The Welsh have a small collection of traditional stories that are gathered into a text known as The Mabinogion. The Mabinogion consists of eleven tales, known as The Four Branches of the Mabinogi, that were handed down in bardic tradition and first collected into a written text in the 12th and 13th centuries. The initial text was written in Middle Welsh. This text has been translated into English from the Welsh a number of times. The first person to translate the myths from The Mabinogion into English was William Owen Pughe, who published a few of the stories in 1795, 1821, and 1829. However, the first to translate all eleven stories was Lady Charlotte Guest, who published them in both English and Welsh in the mid 19th century. These tales have influenced many writers of fantasy, including J.R.R. Tolkien. Evangeline Walton wrote a four part series of novels based entirely on The Mabinogion. These books, while not initially written in the order of The Four Branches, should be read in the order of the original tales. The last book, The Island of the Mighty, is Walton’s retelling of The Fourth Branch of the Mabinogi, and it is in this book that I came to be touched by the story of Blodeuwedd. It is her tale I wish to explore with you today.
     Let me give you an overview of Blodeuwedd’s story. Her part in the myth is short, yet I feel that she is much more important than many realize. You see, Blodeuwedd is part of the story of Llew Llaw Gyffes, a magician and warrior destined to be king of Gwynedd. In order to understand Blodeuwedd, you must understand Llew. 
     It all begins when Gwydion, who is the nephew of Math, Magician and King of Gwynedd and a powerful magician himself, tricks his sister Arianrhod into trying out to become the new Footholder for Math. It is said that Math would die if he did not keep his feet in the lap of a virgin when he was not at war. Arianrhod is forced to undergo a magical test for virginity. However, she is not a virgin, and during the test she gives birth to a boy who is quickly named Dylan by Math and sent to the ocean to take on the attributes of a sea creature. Embarrassed at being found out, Arianrhod runs to the door. As she runs, something drops from her, which Gwydion picks up and stores away in a chest in his room. After many months, Gwydion hears cries from the chest. Opening it, he finds a robust baby boy. He raises the boy and trains him in magic. This is the second son of Arianrhod, incubated by his uncle Gwydion, to be raised as his son. In fact, there are some scholars who surmise that perhaps Gwydion himself is the father of his sister’s sons.
     After a few years, Gwydion takes the boy to Arianrhod. She is angry and embarrassed, and as a result, she curses the boy, saying that he will have no name unless she names him, and she does not intend to name him. Gwydion is the Trickster in Welsh mythology, and he soon tricks her into giving him a name: Llew Llaw Gyffes, meaning “the fair-haired one with the skillful hand.” As soon as she realizes she has named the boy, she curses him again, stating that he will never receive weapons unless they are given to him by herself, which of course, she does not intend to do. Again, Gwydion tricks Arianrhod into arming her son. Again, she is infuriated when she realizes she has been tricked again, and curses Llew that he will never have a human wife. This is where our story begins.
     Llew is a strong, powerful warrior and a magician, but he is lonely. Gwydion goes to his uncle Math, and the two of them make a beautiful woman out of flowers and name her Blodeuwedd, which means “flower-faced”. They present this lovely woman to Llew to be his wife. It seems they are happy together, but there is little depth to their relationship. Llew decides he needs to visit Gwydion and Math, leaving Blodeuwedd behind.
     Now, Blodeuwedd sees a passing man and his hunting party, and she is curious. Inviting them in for the night, she plays hostess to the man, Gronw Pebr. They fall in love and begin an affair. After awhile, the two conspire to murder Llew. However, because Llew is magical, he can only be killed in a very specific way: he can’t be killed in the the day or night, inside or outside, not riding or walking, neither clothed nor naked, and not by any weapon made legally. Blodeuwedd gets him to reveal the only way he can be killed, which is only at dusk while he is wrapped in a net, standing with one foot on a bath and one on a goat, near a riverbank with a spear that was forged over the span of a year only during certain hours. With this information, Blodeuwedd and Gronw attempt to kill Llew.
     Though the spear strikes Llew, he is instantly transformed into an eagle and escapes to hide in the trees, bleeding. Gwydion hears of what has transpired, and seeks high and low until he finds Llew, turning him back into a man. Once Gwydion and Math have nursed Llew back to good health, they gather the forces of Gwynedd and take back Llew’s lands from Gronw and Blodeuwedd. Blodeuwedd tries to run, but Gwydion turns her into an owl as punishment. Eventually, Llew kills Gronw.
     So here we are, with Blodeuwedd, the unfaithful wife, having been punished for her infidelity and her part in the attempted murder of her husband. She is the owl who must fly at night, and according to the story, is hated by all other birds. Yet, is this all there is to this story? That Blodeuwedd was shallow, unfaithful, and murderous? I don’t think so. I think there is more to the story.
     Consider Blodeuwedd, created by two men for the use of another. Taking flowers of oak and broom and meadowsweet, they magically created a beautiful woman with absolutely no thought of this woman’s autonomy; not even an idea that she might become a creature with her own desires, her own dreams, her own expectations of life. Indeed, at first she is quite innocent of her own existence; she is naught but the wife of Llew Llaw Gyffes, and as long as he stays with her, reflecting her own beauty back to her, she is satisfied. She knows nothing else. She has seen nothing more. She is content to exist solely for the pleasure of her husband. Then, he leaves her alone for a long stretch. 
     With Llew away, what is Blodeuwedd to do? She is no mere flowery housewife with tasks to be done; she is the Lady of the Manor, with servants to care for her every need – but one. She has not been raised a human woman to understand the value of friendships with the ladies in her household. She has not been taught the arts of needlecraft, painting, or music, or any other time consuming craft that high born women of her times would know. All she knows is that she feels, perhaps, a kinship with the flowers and the love, as she understands it, of her husband.
     For Llew’s part, he has not been given the opportunity to learn what love is, for he has been denied all the normal interactions of a growing young man of his culture. Gwydion raised Llew for Gwydion’s purposes, in which all that mattered was his ability as a warrior, a magician, and a would-be king. It is certain, I believe, that Gwydion cared little for matters of the heart. He went to Math for help creating a wife for Llew because having been cursed, Llew feared he would always be alone. That fear of loneliness and of never having someone to love would overshadow Llew’s abilities unless Gwydion figured out a way to provide Llew with the wife he would not have had otherwise. Blodeuwedd seemed to be the best they could do.
     This couple, he without knowledge of normal human interaction, and she without knowledge of anything but beauty, was brought together into a life in which neither was likely to provide all that the other needed. Certainly, Blodeuwedd had no idea what she needed – until she met Gronw. Now, here was a man who saw her only as a woman. He met her and fell in love with her, not with what she represented. Perhaps he spoke to her as if she might have an idea of her own. Perhaps he asked her what she might prefer, whereas her husband likely took it for granted that she would always belong to him, and do whatever he wanted to do, since she was literally made for him.
     When I first read about Blodeuwedd, I was disappointed in her for cheating on Llew. He was the tragic protagonist and she was the heinous trollop who betrayed her husband and helped her lover to attempt to murder him. However, as I thought about it, I found myself feeling sad for her. I began to see her as a character with few options. Her life was simply handed to her as is; without information and without choices. Who might she have become, if they had provided her with more than the fragility of flowers?
     Is there a cautionary tale in Blodeuwedd’s story? I think there is. I consider the error I made in reading her as a two-dimensional character, all flowers and fornication, and I realize that sometimes I make this error in real life. How often do I get to know a person only on the surface and think I understand what they are all about? How often do I judge an individual on their actions today without any knowledge of what led up to whatever it is I’ve observed? How many times do I approach others without giving thought to their basic humanity?
     As an owl, Blodeuwedd has become much more than a girl made of flowers; she is a symbol of death and rebirth. In her visage of an owl, she is wisdom, magick, and initiation. For the Welsh, the owl's cry can be a harbinger of death, and has been called the corpse-bird. Arianrhod herself, who is the Welsh Goddess of fertility and fate, has been known to shape-shift into an owl that she might better be able to see deep into the human subconscious. Blodeuwedd as an owl is a reminder that things are not always as simple as they seem. She reminds me that it’s useful to look at situations and interpersonal challenges with my spiritual eyes, for with wisdom and intuition I may be able to see what is right rather than simply what is easy.
     You can hear a beautiful song about Blodeuwedd the Owl by Damh the Bard, if you’d like. You can also watch a movie called Y Mabinogi AKA Otherworld that loosely tells four of the tales from the Mabinogion, including the tale of Bloeuwedd, wrapped around the stories of three modern Welsh teens.

Birthing Hope

As a bi-vocational priest, it sometimes seems like opportunities to act in the "official" capacity are few and far between. Yet, when those opportunities arise, there is a joy that bubbles up inside me that cannot be described other than to say, I feel blessed. The month of October brought me two weddings this year, both of which took place outdoors. One was held in the White Mountains on a rainy day in the woods; the other, just a week later, took place at the foot of the Superstition Mountains in the center of a labyrinth. While one of these weddings was completely secular, the other included references to the Divine; yet both couples held Handfasting Ribbons and bound one another to promises. Both ceremonies were glorious. Both couples look forward to long, happy relationships. I am thrilled to have been a part of their big days.

I am preparing to print out a brochure with descriptions and pricing for services I provide in the capacity of priest. It's a little discomfiting, to think of these things from a business perspective. I am a person who deals in human compassion, empathy, and love. You really cannot put a price tag on these things. However, one must also make a living, and our time and effort are worth something. The "day job" provides income and insurance, but being in a social services position is not particularly financially lucrative. It's taken me a long time to bring myself to being able to set a cost to the ministerial services I provide. Now that I've done it, I've procrastinated on printing it out. By rights, it should have been delivered to the local wedding venues and other places before this "snowbird" season in the Southwest began last month. This is how I sabotage myself, isn't it. One of a million ways...

Brigid in the Desert hosted an in-person gathering every month for the first 2/3 of this year. When there were two or more of us sitting together at a table in discussion, it was awesome. Unfortunately, we are a small group of individuals with a variety of challenges. Toward the end of summer, some of our physical challenges made it difficult to meet in person. Instead, we have been chatting on the Facebook page and in the Facebook group, Brigid in the Desert Discussions. We have talked about everything from pain and spiritual experience to our interactions with those who have crossed beyond the veil from this world into the next. We are a diverse, fun, and hopeful group. Feel free to join us!

Now it's November. The Wheel of the Year has taken us past Samhain and the beginning of new life after the death of summer. We head into a time of deliberate thanksgiving, at least here in the United States, as well as a conversation around the meaning of that "First Thanksgiving" and our relationships with the Indigenous people of this land. There is much to wrestle with.

The nights are darkening earlier and we notice a chill in the air, even here in the Sonoran Desert. In the mountains and across the northern parts of the globe, the scent of ice and snow reinvigorates our senses and reminds us of cozy childhood evenings and Yuletide dreams. No matter our religious or spiritual heritage, there are memories of gifts and light and new hope that is born at the end of the calendar year. The Wheel turns. We grow older. Sometimes we forget the power of that innocent hope. At this time of year, we can be reminded of it; it can be reborn in us, if we let it.

If there is anything Americans -- and many others around the world -- can use right now, it's a newborn hope. Let's let it be born in us!

Let us birth a new hope.

Across the Divide of Time

There's something about the arbitrary divide between old and new years that gets people all riled up about making changes in their lives. For years, it was a regular practice to come up with resolutions about how one planned to improve one's life over the coming year. In the past decade or so, however, it seems that this practice is falling by the wayside. Instead, people are choosing new ways of envisioning the year ahead.

I've seen some people posting on social media that they are choosing a word to represent their goals for the new year. In fact, only a couple of years ago, I did this and wrote about it on this blog, here. This year, I've been seeing posts from friends who simply list a few goals for the year. Rather than "resolutions," these are quantifiable goals with specific timelines or generalized ideas that encompass the vision of the person making them.

This year I decided to do two different things. At the request of a friend, I decided to join a small accountability group where we check in regarding our current life goals. With this group, I formulated a small list of quantifiable goals. These include being more intentional about making St. Brigid in the Desert UAIC an active, functional spiritual community, which I have identified as a "Church Without Walls," or "Church Without a Home;" having one St. Brigid event per month which is free and open to the public; and keeping up with the blogs and the newsletter on a regular basis.

On the other side of my list is being more consistent with my writing. Just having this much delineated gave these goals substance. They aren't just "something I want to do." They are something I WILL do. Pastoring a church is a real job, whether one is paid for pastoring or whether one is a bi-vocational pastor, as I am. In fact, these "nonpaid" priestly duties are more important than weddings and other rites of passage that I might be paid for, because these are the foundation of the church, the real purpose for its existence. The gatherings and social media content are where the real work of ministry gets done.

I've long been a fan of vision boards. Now, these are simply poster board with magazine pictures cut out and glued onto them in a sort of collage. What makes it a "vision" board is the intent behind the creation. My early vision boards were usually pictures of things I wanted to obtain or attain in the near future. This year, I chose to create a vision board specifically for what I wanted my 2018 to be like.

As the Spiritual Director for St. Brigid in the Desert UAIC, I thought that a Mini-Vision Board Workshop would be the perfect event to kick off the new year. Not only would it provide an excellent fellowship gathering, but it would also provide an opportunity for those who attend to work on their personal goals for the year. This was where I could pull together the dreams I have for my personal spiritual work. The gathering was a success. I enjoyed providing a short guided meditation to bring everyone to their vision board. Around the table, conversation helped build friendships and imagination brought together some beautiful collages. 

As for myself, I haven't quite finished the board. I created an eye and spirit pleasing board with quite a bit of white space. I think of it as "breathing room." It's appropriate, for the vision I am revealing on my board is that of a peaceful, uncluttered spirit. I have some busy-goals for my ministry and an active day job. The vision board goals are intended to offset this "busy-ness."

Balance.

In the end, I guess I chose a word for the year, after all!

New Year's Resolutions, Lenten Promises: Pathways into New Life

Two and a half months into the New Year, we’ve gotten rather used to 2016. I’m no longer writing “2015” on documents out of habit; it’s been long enough. The habit has changed. We’re long enough into the New Year that the new behaviors we promised ourselves at the turn of the year should be ingrained in us. They should be – but are they? Those of us who practice Lent may be in the midst of new behaviors promised at Ash Wednesday. Now is a good time to review our New Year’s Resolutions, if we made them. How are we doing?

Personally, I decided this year that New Year’s Resolutions as traditionally practiced were not useful to me. For me, they have been unreasonable promises to make sweeping changes in behavior or high, unattainable expectations for living conditions. So, instead of making promises to myself that I could not keep, I spent some time at the end of 2015 pondering what I needed most in my life. From there, I sought one word that I could focus on this year. I sought a word that would encompass everything that I felt I needed to accomplish in 2015 in my physical as well as my spiritual life. By December 31, the word I came up with was “Organization.” I thought if I could clean out my closets, literally as well as figuratively, throughout this next year, life would improve.

Organization. It was a good choice. It covered everything I had thought of that I needed to work on. It’s a good, solid word. It’s a utilitarian word that describes rearrangement and cleaning out. Yes, it was good, I decided, and I began the year with this word as my focus: Organization.

Then came the final meeting of my Simple Abundance group. We had meeting been almost monthly throughout 2015 to discuss our readings in the classic devotional by Sarah Ban Breathnacht. As a group, we had been learning to apply spirituality to our daily lives through the readings and our discussions. We were unable to meet at the end of 2015, so we met on the first weekend in 2016 to wrap up our discussions and to discover our intentions for the new year. Obviously, I intended to share my thoughts about Organization. It had, in fact, been our Simple Abundance reading and discussion that had led to my choice of this focus word for the year. By the time we came to our sharing about the coming year, though, something changed.

You see, after we talked about the readings and how we had been affected by them over the year, we spent some time in meditation. Our leaders asked us to think about a word or a phrase that would encompass our goals for the coming year. Of course, I had done this. I knew my word. Organization.

Our gatherings took place at a beautiful place in Apache Junction, Arizona called Sacred Space for Retreat. The property includes a large stone labyrinth. We were sent to the labyrinth for a silent meditative walk. The labyrinth walk is one of my favorite contemplative practices. In fact, I have a small labyrinth of my own at home. The one at Sacred Space is much larger and provides the opportunity for a longer, deeper walk with God.

As I walked that day, focusing at first on my word, “Organization,” I began to let go of thought, focusing only on my breath and my steps. As I neared the center, I began to feel cleansed. I looked at the ground for a moment as I walked and I noticed a geode. I came to the center, where I stood facing the eastern mountains. I took three deep belly breaths, and stood in silence. I could hear the soft crunching of the feet of those who walked before and after me. I heard the birds that flew above and the rustling of leaves on the mesquite that grow in this desert environment. I felt the caress of the soft breeze upon my face, upon my uplifted hands.

Then, I heard clearly in my mind a new word: Purity.

As I walked out of the labyrinth, I pondered this word. In today’s world, the word “purity” can have connotations that feel contrived or self-righteous. The first meaning of this word that came to me was about the idea of moral purity, which seems to me a rather subjective connotation. Among the evangelical crowd, there is a push for sexual purity that leads to purity contracts, purity balls, purity rings; all promises to remain “pure” until marriage. A second, more negative connotation of the word “purity” is related to the idea of racial purity and the atrocities of ethnic cleansing. However, to be pure is also to be free of harmful substances; it is to be clean, as in purity of water or air; it is to have a perfect quality, as in the purity of sound, music, voice.

Thinking about this word as I walked out of the labyrinth, I wondered how it could apply to me or to my life. I am a messy human being. I am disorganized, often scattered, and always overscheduled. In other words, I am a human being immersed in twenty-first century life. What has “purity” to do with me?

I thought of the geode. On one side, the geode is a rather ugly, bumpy, dirty rock. On the other, the stone is white and almost translucent in its beauty. One can imagine that beneath that lovely, smooth, shiny surface, there could be some glorious crystal.

Many years ago I read a science fiction novel that I will never forget. The book, Swan Song, by Robert R. McCammon, describes the world after a nuclear detonation. The radiation spurs an evolution among the people that begins with the growth of what they call “Job’s Mask,” which covers their faces. The masks are ugly, hard, and often debilitating crusts. Some of the people develop gifts as well, such as visions and the ability to make things grow. Eventually, the Job’s Masks fall off, revealing the true nature of the individuals inside. Some who had been considered ugly, bad, or unwanted before the war are revealed to be truly beautiful on the inside.

As I pondered the geode, I thought of this book, and I thought of what both the rock and the book revealed to me about purity. Purity is not always visible. Alchemical purity is the absolute perfection of a substance. As a person, is purity truly possible? As a Wesleyan, I have to say that yes, it is. After all, Purity is Perfection. Perfection is possible. It is not something to declare; it is something to seek. It is not something to take pride in; it is something to be revealed. If Purity is cleanliness and the absence of harmful substances, then “Organization” is an activity to be used as a tool toward Purity, toward Perfection.

  As we near the final week of Lent, we commemorate the clownish street theatre of Jesus’ final entry into Jerusalem on an ass, with palms waving and strewn on the ground before his feet. We remember the final week the twelve Apostles and the many Disciples would have with the friend and teacher they knew as Jesus, the night they shared a final meal, and the night He would be betrayed and denied. This week, we near the end of our 40 days of self-denial and contemplation.

On Easter morning, we remember the stone rolled away to reveal an empty tomb and Jesus transformed into the glorious, divine Christ. We will also be rolling aside our Lenten promises. When we do, what will we reveal? Will we be new people, set with our faces toward resurrected lives in Christ?


It is my prayer that on Easter morning I will set aside my simplistic denial of a worldly thing and continue the formidable task of organizing my cluttered life, revealing beneath its ugly, bumpy reality the hidden path toward purity. It’s only one new beginning of many new beginnings winding through my life. Yet, each new beginning is an opportunity to set aside the ugliness of self-absorption to reveal the deeper beauty found in self knowledge.

My path toward Purity begins with Organization.

There’s an app for that.

I call it prayer, followed by action.

“Oh, Grow Up!” The Real Difference Between a Man-Child or Woman-Child and a “Grown-Up”

What is it that differentiates the man-child or woman-child from the grown man or woman? Is it how they behave or how they dress? Is it what they do for a living or what kind of car they drive? I have been pondering this question as I enter into a time of my life where I finally realize I’ve not known what it really meant to be a “grown-up.” I ponder it as I watch my children grow from teenagers into young adults.

There are a lot of woman/man-children in the world. Perhaps there always have been; certainly it seems that it’s the result of human nature. We are a selfish, self-centered lot. We seek to serve ourselves first, often to the detriment of those around us. When we are children, this behavior is expected. Some of the first words we speak as children are “no” “mine” or “me,” until we begin to be aware of others around us. We are taught to share, yet we continue to first serve ourselves.

As we mature, we come to recognize the needs and desires of others. That’s where we begin the process of becoming men and women. It’s also about the time we are in complete control of our response to outside influences. Yet, it becomes continuously more difficult to do. Advertising comes at us full-force, telling us what we are supposed to look like, what we’re supposed to do, and how we are supposed to live. We seek to become what we believe society expects of us.

Our influences come from the advertising, our upbringing, and our peers. Some of us get caught up in the outer means of reflecting who we are, and we expect others to do the same. We think that as we grow up we need to give up certain behaviors, certain fashions, certain hobbies and take on new, often more expensive ones. At the same time, we forget that there are more important indicators of maturity.

It is not the games we play, the clothes we wear, or the company we keep that make us “grown-up.” It’s the way we respond to the world. It’s how we take responsibility for ourselves and our own decisions. It’s how we share with others when others are in need.
In her book, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, Ann Voskamp points out that we have “response” “abilities.” We need to use our abilities to respond to life appropriately. We need to do things like pick up after ourselves, acknowledge the help we get from others (and accept that help gracefully), be respectful of others and their way of looking at the world, and we need to be responsible for those who count on us. That includes being responsible for ourselves. As men and women, we are to use our “abilities” for appropriate “response” to what happens in our lives.

People who reach a certain age might think that they’re men or women simply because they have celebrated a magic numbered birthday. They might do “grown-up” things like a regular job, go out for dancing and drinks, read books, or watch “adult” television (as opposed to animated television). They might eschew Pokémon or Batman and the like as “childish.” These life activities have nothing to do with their status as men/women-children.

Man-children and woman-children expect others to take care of everything for them. When things go wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. They seek self-satisfaction in all they do, without regard for the feelings of those who are affected by their behavior. When someone responds to their behavior negatively, they throw tantrums or whine that nobody understands them, the world is out to get them, and by golly, they’re going to do (or buy) something fun to make themselves feel better.  Even when they know that something they do affects others negatively, they continue the behavior because it makes them feel better.

Grown women and men might be into watching things like Dr. Who, reading fantasy books by authors like Neil Gaiman, and playing games like Dragon Age. They might enjoy going to the Renaissance Festival or Comic-Con. They might even like spending time of Facebook. They also pick up and wash their dirty dishes. They love, take care of, and support their children, if they have any. They interact with others with respect, even if the other disagrees with them about…well, anything. They say “please” and “thank you” and they do their best to be the best kind of person they can think of. They try to curtail negative behavior because they don't want the people they love to be hurt by what they do. They use their “response-abilities” to respond appropriately to what happens in their lives.

I’m doing my best to be a woman instead of a woman-child. It takes some doing. It’s easier to feel sorry for myself and wait for others to give me what I need, even when I am able to do for myself. Lots of people do it. I give thanks every day that I am empowered by the feeling I get from doing for myself, so I can be available to do for others who are unable to do for themselves. I know a lot of man-children and woman-children. For them, I hope that one day soon they become aware of their situation, and learn to stand on their own two feet. When they do, may they reach out to others and find the power of giving.

Though men and women do for themselves, they don’t do it all alone. They just do their part. When everyone does their own part, the world is a much easier place to navigate.

Being a full grown adult doesn't mean you don't get to have fun.
You just have to take care of the business too!